If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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