How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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