We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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