Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
