T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
