Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
