Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
