I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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