You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
