i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
