ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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