I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I yelled at your uterus for you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
