The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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