i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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