hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
