he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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