I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
