it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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