remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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