Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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