Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
