Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
