Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
