peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
