Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
