They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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