I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
