The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
