yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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