Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
pop tarts are not kleenex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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