we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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