Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
