My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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