The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
