my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
