I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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