he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
