Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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