shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
