I wanna bring you to show and tell
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
