Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
