I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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