but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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