WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
