You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
