Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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