Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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