My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
