i dont even know how to be here
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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