Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
