I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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