Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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