I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Panties = found
Randomize
